On Nurturing Hobbies and Curiosity

I'm not a "real" artist. I don't have the desire or constitution to dedicate my life to one craft. But I do feel an undeniable urge to create. My main issue is that I always try new things but never develop the focus needed to become a master. I'm most comfortable living life as a perpetual beginner.

Some examples: I've really enjoyed my time making music, but this year I've rarely thought to pick up my bass. Earlier in life I wanted to become an illustrator, but I never got into art school before becoming interested in computers and discovering a more practical way to earn a living. Writing is a new focus, but I approach it more as fitness for my mind than as an art.

This season of life is about photography, which is one craft I've always avoided. Maybe it was packing around all the gear. Or maybe it always just felt like something for other people. Maybe the issue is that it's art done in public: photography is about capturing the world — not something you can disappear into a studio to focus on. Even now I feel a real sense of self-consciousness whenever I pull out a camera, as if people look and just know how much I'm fucking up.

Some of that changed as we were preparing for a recent family trip.

I'm not one for souvenirs. I don't enjoy shopping, and I've rarely walked into a flea market and bought something to bring home. But I was also sad about traveling to the other side of the world only to come home with nothing tangible to show for it. Ending with a photo book to look back on seemed as good a souvenir as a person could hope for. I realized the need to document these rare and precious moments with my family, but I wanted something more than iPhone photos I'd never look at again.

Turns out, I really enjoyed the process! My camera helped me be more present. It engaged my monkey mind in a sort of scavenger hunt. I assumed I'd pack away the camera at home, but I came to miss photography in my daily life. I like the presence it brings me. Noticing the interesting things around me makes my daily walks a little more engaging. So I've added the habit of packing my camera with me whenever I leave the house, and making time for more lunchtime photo walks.

I don't know if "photographer" is a new identity for me. As noted, I have the tendency to deep-dive into a subject and become obsessive right until the point where it starts to become "work." I did that with music and art already.

But even if that's the inevitable end, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Even if I'm never a "real artist," in the sense that someone could pay me for my work, no matter the medium. For now I'm enjoying it. I love having it for my trips, and I'm trying to make room for more noticing in my daily life. I have to think that if I can find the novelty and beauty in the mundane, the gained experience will only make me that much more capable of making the most of my travel experiences.

All photos taken with the OM-D EM10 Mark IV.